unschooling and sports?

Ah unschooling and sports… it seems like the two would be mutually exclusive, no?   After all, the free-spirited, creative, authority questioning autonomy that defines an unschooler is in direct contrast with the authoritarian, coach knows best, follow the whistle group-think of organized sports.  So how then do you make peace with this when your oldest child seriously loves sports?  I’m working at that one at the moment.

Josh has been very physical by nature from the time he was a toddler.  He has always been a kinesthetic learner.  He loves to run and jump, wrestle, and climb. And more recently, he has developed this love of sports.  He tells me constantly how much fun sports are, and has a running list of which ones he would like to try.

I admittedly, really really dislike sports.  Not so much the physical activity… I love being active.  What I dislike is the focus on competition over cooperation, the winning at all costs mentality, the group think, the authoritarian nature of the coach and player relationship.  Throw in a few overzealous parents and overbooked children and you pretty much are in my hell.  You may be surprised to know that I played sports through high school and some of college.  It was there that the seeds of my disgust were planted, only to grow when I had children of my own.  In my sports experience, I was screamed at by coaches in the locker room at half time, told regularly at practice that the team is more important than any thoughts or feelings we had as individuals, and encouraged and applauded for my loyalty to the team for playing while injured.   So, why were we in the gym this weekend playing basketball?  We were there because Josh loved it, had so much fun, and really wanted to try it out.  How will I balance my feelings with this?  Here’s what I’ve got so far about why our relationship with sports will be different as an unschooling family.

•  Josh is there by his own choice.  It will always be this way and he knows it.  If he is no longer enjoying the game, if coaches/players are unkind, if he wants to try something new he is always welcome to do so.  I know I’ll get crap from some people for “letting him quit,” but let’s be real folks… this is a game.  Being true to his own feelings will always be more important.
• Balancing sports with abundant free play, dreaming, creative time.  Being an unschooling family gives us the ability to provide Josh with this.  He is not in school 8 hours a day for 5 days each week and then playing basketball on the weekend.  He has all day every day to explore, learn, and play.
• We will never create a strict schedule for him.  We have talked with Josh about the stresses of being overscheduled and how important it is to have abundant free play time.  With that in mind, Josh chooses one sport he wants to try at a time.
• We talk a lot if Josh sees something negative from a coach, player, or parent.  If Josh’s interest continues as he gets older this will become more and more important.
• We encourage the fun over competition.  After a game we don’t talk so much about scores, but rather about what he enjoyed about the game.

I had a glimmer of hope that these two worlds may in fact coexist as I watched Josh run up and down the court on Saturday.  He undoubtably worked hard and enjoyed trying to run after and “steal” the ball, but he cheered each time anyone scored.  Whether they were on his team or not, they got a joyful cheer and a pat on the back from Josh.  Now, I know he won’t jump up and down and clap forever, but if he can keep that mentality of fun and cooperation, I know we’ll be just fine.